Step 1: go out and party for your brother-in-law’s 40th.

Step 2: forget that everyone is 40, not 30, and thus end up with a horrible hangover.

Step 3: remember that you assumed that you’d have a hangover, and thus pizza is prepped in the fridge, so turn on the oven to max

Step 4: get stuff out of the fridge

Step 5: cut stuff up

Step 6: overload pizza (tomato purée, Italian herbs, chilli, spring onion whites, black pudding, bacon, sausage, mushroom, mozzarella, spring onion greens)

Step 7: pizza in oven and temp down to 200C fan

Step 8: cut up and eat

Step 9: appreciate that despite this being a hangover pizza, it’s actually a damned good pizza: the base is nice and crisp and holds up despite the overabundance of toppings

Step 10: back to bed for a nap, I’m too old for this…